Summer Ends and a School Year Begins

The End of Summer :(

And here comes school

The night before the first day of school, I thought we might have some problems. Liam was pretty scared and even went so far as to ask me about death and aging. "Am I going to die one day?" When I explained to him that we would all die one day, but it was a far way off and he didn't have to worry about it, he started to cry and said that he didn't want to go to school the next day because  he didn't want to get older and die. Jeesh.

But the next morning was far smoother. He was past his morbid thoughts and excited to put on his uniform. He had a few jitters, but got past them and didn't even cry once we left in his classroom.  I, however, did get a little teary eyed. 

When I got home, I assaulted him with questions about how his first day went and if there were any problems getting picked up for aftercare. He sorta rolled his eyes and his daddy said, "See Liam, I told you she would ask a lot of questions". I didn't get much out of him except that he saw some of his friends from Oxford and Neighborhood Kids, but he seemed confident and happy. Is it horrible that that made me a little sad? It is, but he is so big now and I have to accept it. This is like the next level. The level were they don't take naps and have homework and even occasionally get embarrassed by their parents.

 

Here's to Health

About a year and a half ago, it wasn't uncommon to hear my daughter say "We going to gym, be right back" as she strolled her babydoll away into the other room. At barely two, she understood that running or going to the gym was something I did. As I gradually stopped being active and spent more time working or watching tv at night, that phrase turned into "We going to mall, be right back". It was a bit painful to hear, but I had completely let go and became lazy. The miscarriage prompted me to go running a handful of time to get my mind off of it and try to loose the baby fat, but that quickly faded too. It wasn't until my lovely (and also crazy) friend asked me to join her Tough Mudder team that I really decided I would get back into shape... for real this time.

 Neither of us had been exercising with any regularity and this event is one of the toughest of its kind so it's just what I needed to force me to take it seriously. I've been working out 4-5 days a week now and I am so thankful for the push. Not only do I feel better all around, but my kids have taken to stretching with me. I know that everytime my kids see Chris or I head out the door to go running, it makes an impact. They see that this is something we make a priority in our day now. Writing about it here is a way to keep myself accountable. I want to remember what a positive outcome it has had on me and my family. I don't want to let it go again. And the other day, the best thing happened. Livi walked out with her doll and said to her "You want to go running? Let's go exercise."

Awesome Things Livi Says

Me: Livi, how much does Mommy love you?
Livi: 20
Me: um, ok. How much do you love mommy?
Livi: 5
Daddy: how much so you love daddy?
Livi: 4

Someone's...

My Little Ballerina

Ever since Livi saw the Man on Fire music video, she has done nothing but plie and jete her way through the house. Her clumsy attempts at gracefulness are nothing short of adorable. What I thought would be a passing phase became a constant source of entertainment. Eventually, her grandma got her a book about a little girl who starts to take a ballet class and soon after she was asking if she could take dance class. We found a studio that starts classes at 3 years old that is a half hour of ballet and a half hour of tap once a week. She's only been twice and I don't really know how long it will hold her fancy, but for right now the idea of wearing all pink and spinning around in a studio is pretty much the best thing ever.

Graduation

Full disclosure: I think having a proper graduation for PreKindergarten is a little bit on the ridiculous side. I did however, buy into it. He was just so excited and it turned out to be such a fun day. We bought him a little present and when he asked what we were celebrating I didn't really know how to answer. "We are celebrating all the hard work you.. uhh... well, we are celebrating that you are done with VPK and get to go to Kindergarten next year!" And honestly, any excuse to get this kid into a tie is one I will use. So damn cute!!!

When did he become a little man?

It's like... how does one handle this?

Did you notice the untucked shirt and dirt on the knees?

Troublemakers

He actually signed an end-of-year doll

Ms Naelor is the best!

Every kid had their nicknames written on the back of their certificate

Regret

One of the problems with announcing that you are pregnant to the world on the Internet is that you have to inform the Internet when things go wrong. It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. Looking back, I feel like the reason I announced the pregnancy so early was because some part of me felt uneasy about the whole thing, felt like it wasn't real. And maybe posting about it was a way for me to accept the reality and allow myself to enjoy it. But that obviously wasn't the right thing to do and only ended up biting me in the ass. I guess by now you have assessed that I am no longer pregnant. And you might find it shocking or weird or crazy that I am writing all this and being so candid about it. The truth is, letting things out for the world to see is one of the ways I deal with things. If I just let it all out there, it won't be stuck in me anymore. And everyone is going to find out sooner or later, right? Might as well be from me.

It happened Wednesday night, but the speculation started on Monday. I had a few days to consider that this might be happening so my mind had some time to adjust. It's been a roller coaster kind of month, but I just want everyone to know that we are ok. We really are. Everyone at the hospital was amazing and there was one doctor in particular that helped with me getting past this. We had been in the ER for about 8 hours enduring countless nurses and tests when a new doctor came in to explain some options. At the end he casually said, "You know this wasn't your fault. You didn't cause this." I must have had a puzzled face because he continued with "Some babies are just born with mutations and it isn't meant to be. If it didn't happen now, it would have happened later. But it would have happened and this isn't your fault." I am not sure such few words have ever impacted me more. With those few sentences, I felt peace. So many questions had been answered for me in the past few hours, but not the biggest one of all.

I also want to point out that this situation has brought to my attention how amazing our close friends and family are. We've already had meals made for us and the house cleaned. So much love and care and thoughtfulness will help you get through anything. Snuggling with 2 adorable kids and an awesome husband in the morning doesn't hurt either. So I do regret informing everyone so early about the pregnancy because now it's public and not a private affair, but I am thankful that it's all over and we can move on. And all I ask is that the people who know us make a mental note "Jessi not pregnant, got it" and just leave it be. I know everyone cares about us, but the less we have to hear about it or get asked if we are ok, the faster it becomes a memory and not a current issue we have to deal with. xoxo